My thoughts on avoiding negative influences – especially negative people!
I’ve met my opposite. I’ve met Anti-Kim. Anti-Kim is the most negative influence I have in my life.
So let’s discuss avoiding negative influences today.
Here are the characteristics of Anti-Kim. He (yes, it’s a he):
Health. Takes no responsibility for his physcial health. If there’s something wrong with him (aches, pains, being overweight, artritus, bad ears, gout, angina, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, liver toxicity and on and on), it’s not his doing. His health has nothing to do with his bad eating habits, lack of exercise or mental attitude. And when things get bad, the only solution is popping a pill or having a doctor prescribe something to solve the problem. His greatest pleasure is complaining about his health visiting his doctors office.
Daily Focus. He focuses most of his daily life on reading newspapers (full of negativity), watching TV programs full of negativity (news, low-end talk shows, crime, war) and reading about historical figures that supported war and fighting.
Blame. He blames all his problems on other people. It’s always someone else that is causing his personal life, or the world a large, a disservice.
Speech. His speech is mostly focused on what’s wrong with the world highlighting the days most recent death, natural disaster or autrocities.
Scenery. He see’s the polution, graffiti, no-do-gooders, bad customer service, high prices and bad drivers.
Money. He thinks money will solve all problems. If he only won the lottery, everything would be fine. He’s financially secure for the rest of his life – there’s nothing he doesn’t have to live a good life, yet he doesn’t practice gratitude for it.
Living. He’s afraid to live. Unless he’s forced to leave his house, he won’t go out or attend an event. When he does have to attend an event he spends the week before complaining about how he doesn’t want to go. (Ironically, whenever he does go out he always says he has a great time. Sadly, he forgets the good time quickly).
Love. Worst of all, and this is possibly the crux of the problem, he doesn’t love himself. He calls himself stupid, fat, useless and on and on. His foundation is cracked – you build a house on negative focus and you have a negative life.
So what results or life outcomes does Anti-Kim have?
Do you think he’s happy? Do you think he feels good? Do you think he bounces out of bed excited to live another day of life? I look at him and want to shake him up and make him realise that he’s created his own life. And more importantly, I want to tell him that he can choose to create a different life. He doesn’t have to keep the one he has!
So let me contrast Anti-Kim with Kim
Health. If I’m unwell, I ask myself what I’m doing to create my unwellness. I look at myself with loving eye’s and ask my mind/body what I need to do to help me recover. I take responsibility for my aches, pains and issues and research ways to help me increase my health. I know that good food, nutrition and exercise/activity help me to feel good. I haven’t been to a doctor in 4 years. And the only reason I went 4 years ago was due to pregnancy.
Daily focus. I spend my days reading uplifting materials, connecting with people that want to make the world a better place, playing with my daughter, appreciating the beauty around me and working to spread the word that life can be amazingly fulfilling. I purposely avoid newspapers, news and negative influence as I know I can live without them.
Blame. For every event, person, situation that happens in my life, I ask myself why I created it. I don’t necessarily blame myself in a harsh way. I’m not unkind to myself. I’ve just gotten to the point where I know I create everything so by asking myself why I created XYZ (good or bad), it helps me learn, grow and appreciate life in much more dynamic ways. When you know you create everything you feel a sense of power. You realise that if you created something ‘bad,’ you can change some internal thoughts/beliefs and the world changes once again. I’ve learned that nothing is really ‘good’ or ‘bad’ anyway – it’s either your perception or your creation. Either way, you have a choice on how you look at events/situations and/or how you want to change your thoughts to change your world.
Speech. If I have nothing good to say, I don’t say anything. I’m not a super optimistic oh-isn’t-life-the-most-amazing-thing-ever sickening kind of person. I’m not happy all the time. I do have aches. I do have issues. I just don’t talk about them in a casual way. If someone asks me how I am, I say I’m good because that’s where my focus is…on being good/happy/fulfilled. On the other hand, when I do have issues, I talk them over with friends. My friends, however, know enough to say, ‘Kim – why do you think you’re creating this?’ and we then have a very productive conversation. Speech is the end result of your thoughts/mental states/beliefs coming out in verbal form. It’s so important to listen to your speech and make sure you’re saying things that reflect who you want to be.
Scenery. I’ve trained my eyes to look for beauty – either in a child’s smile, seeing the sunshine, or the billions of other beautiful things out there. There’s beauty in everything. You just have to look for it. And yes, I do see pollution and other ‘bad’ things. I make a note of them and move on. I don’t highlight them or mention them. What’s the point? Why bring others down if you don’t have to?
Money. Money is awesome. I love having money. I appreciate money. Money is a tool to help me express myself. I create the ability to have money flow to me. When I need money I know how to attract it to me.
Living. I’m also afraid to live sometimes, but I force myself out there. I’m not going to let life slip me by. Time after time I’ve put myself on a roller coaster and I go along for the ride. And ultimately I know that I’m safe. If you don’t get out there and go for it you’ll never know what you capable of experiencing. And why go to grave knowing you could have done more?!
Love. I didn’t always love myself and that’s why I can recognise it in Anti-Kim. I can see the hatred he feels for himself. The feelings of unworthiness ooze from him. It makes me soooooooo sad to see someone have a bad relationship with themselves. It’s so unneccessary. You have a choice – you can love yourself or you can hate yourself. If you choose to love, nurture and take care of yourself everything changes! EVERYTHING. I love myself so much now. I care about how I feel. I care about my body, my spirts, my thoughts, my beliefs. I lovingly tell myself that I’m here to take care of me. When I feel down, I explain that we’ll (me and ME) sort something out. We’ll find a solution…and we always do.
So…I have these major questions I need help with:
- How do I help Anti-Kim?
- Should I even try to help Anti-Kim?
- By me focusing on Anti-Kim am I focusing on everything I’m against and thus making myself Anti-Kim in the process (any time there’s a paradox there’s truth there!!!)
Now that my rant is over I suppose the answer that feels best to me is that I simply need to be the best Kim I can be when I’m around Anti-Kim and if he can learn from my example, great. Otherwise, if I spend time focusing on him, I’m only doing both of us a disservice.
Hmmmmmm. I really want to just bitch and complain about him. It feels good to be self-righteous sometimes – doesn’t it?!
But enough is enough. Let me send Anti-Kim love and stop my crusade. I know deep down inside that it’s not my job. How about you? Do you have an Anti-You in your life? Is it time that you stopped focusing on them and just focused on being the best you that you can be?