How To Be Beautiful
And what does it really mean to be beautiful?
I use to make myself beautiful in the hopes that others would like me. How to be beautiful was a subject I thought long and hard about. As a kid I spent hours doing my hair, putting on make-up and picking out clothes that looked and felt right. My motivation was fear-based. I was afraid that if I wasn’t pretty enough, I’d get laughed at or simply wouldn’t be liked. I suppose I aimed to be beautiful ignoring the idea of what it meant to feel beautiful.
During high school I remember wanting to go swimming but I was too afraid to mess up my hair or look silly. So much fear. So full of fear. My classmates probably thought I was stuffy or ‘stuck-up,’ but I was simply scared stiff – literally – all the time.
Fear was my operating system and I didn’t know there was any other way to feel about myself. I thought beauty was about trying to look as good as I could – it took effort and there was never any ultimate satisfaction. Heck, I’d never be pretty enough to make everyone happy. Looking presentable was a job for me – something I had to work very hard with that never provided any ultimate satisfaction.
I would cringe if I saw myself in the mirror or in a photo. Feel beautiful – not!
To me, beauty (and I’m talking surface beauty here) was something I could never truly attain. Like one of Dante’s characters, I was doomed to push a large bolder up a hill and when it crumbled at the top, I had to go back and push another large bolder up the hill. I never made it to the top nor could I imagine what was over the hill!
Because of these feelings, I rejected anything to do with beauty and the beauty industry. When I read a glossy beauty magazine, I criticised it for causing women to feel bad about themselves. I thought that women with nice finger nails ‘had too much time on their hands,’ and anyone that would spend 3 – 4 hours getting their hair highlighted/low-lighted didn’t have their priorities right. My excuse for neglecting my hair was, ‘I can’t sit still for 4 hours and talk about silly stuff like my next holiday or what I do for a living!’
My rejection of beauty and anything to do with beauty was the effect of my beliefs!
I believed that beauty was about forcing yourself to look a certain way so that you could be liked. So when it came to getting my hair or nails done I felt that it was a waste of time – people were either going to like me or not…and anyone in that industry doesn’t know true values in life. (As I write this, I can’t believe I thought these things!)
So…beauty and how I felt about my beauty certainly had nothing to do with feeling beautiful or appreciating beauty. I denied myself the ability to feel prettiness as it was something to be attained by ‘being perfect’. And since I couldn’t be perfect I gave up and criticized anything to do with beauty.
Gosh – I almost feel like crying for myself right now. I’m 38 years old, and until now, I’ve denied myself the right to be and feel beautiful.
For the record, this must be one of the largest shifts I’ve had in the last couple years. I feel as if I was living life to a 75% capacity thinking it was near 100% and now I’ve just discovered this extra hidden 30%. I feel alive, in love and at peace. I want to hug myself – I’ve discovered a piece of me that was dark, closed and tucked away and now I’ve pulled up the blind and let the sunlight in.
Okay – so how do I explain what beauty means to me now?
How do I explain where I’ve shifted to? Well, to start, I look in the mirror and I like who I see. No – I love who I see. Until now I was deathly afraid to take my own picture for fear of looking vane. I couldn’t understand how all my friends would go out to bars and take pictures of themselves doing their Face Book or Blog pose. But now I get it! It’s okay to take a picture of yourself…it’s okay to think and feel your beautiful. It’s not egotistical. It’s not vane. It’s not bad to appreciate who you are, how you look and how you want to express your beauty.
If you don’t think and feel your beautiful your denying yourself one of the most meaningful relationships you have with yourself.
Thinking and feeling beautiful about yourself is a choice or as I put it in my book (How Life Really Works: The Answer to Finding your Purpose & Personal Fulfillment) – whatever you believe, you’re right. You can believe your beautiful and therefore it’s true or you can just as well believe you’re not beautiful and therefore that’s true.
Beliefs are only true because you make them so. I believed that my beauty wasn’t good enough for the world and that belief impacted me on so many fronts.
Now I can dance. Now I can have a bad hair day and not care. Now I can do my hair, smile my brightest smile and not care. Because once you KNOW that you are beautiful it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
And the great thing about this is that all of us are beautiful
We just need to allow ourselves to accept our beauty, embrace it and let it flow. Your beauty is not about what society calls beautiful or what your partner thinks. Your beauty is your ability to feel and embrace whatever beauty means to you. It’s your choice to see your beauty rather than deny it.
But how did I make this shift in perception? For the past year I’ve been more conscious about my thoughts and this has helps me to see beliefs that I don’t like or want anymore. Why believe and feel that I’m ugly when I don’t have to? It doesn’t matter to anyone else how I feel – no one can see me struggle or thrive inside.
The key is this…once you can really internalize that your beliefs create your reality, you start to look at your beliefs. And once your understand that you can change your beliefs to anything your world automatically starts to shift.
I believed beauty was something the outside world controlled but I now realize beauty and everything in the outside world is controlled by the films running in my mind body – and those films hold my beliefs, feelings, thoughts, memories, expectations and visualizations. If I change my films, I change my life and so it is!
Kim Brown helps people to find their life’s purpose and exponentially increase their fulfillment. To get started read Kim’s book, ‘How Life Really Works: The Answer to Finding your Purpose & Personal Fulfillment’