Transformation – lessons learned on how to discover who you really are!
It’s only now that I can look back and see stages of growth, or transformations, that have occurred to my personal growth over the past couple years. While living my life I didn’t realize the leaps I was taking to fundamentally improve my life. I was so lost – so completely out of touch with who I was, what I wanted and where I needed to go.
A child in a grown-up body
I can now see that I was a frightened little child in a 35-ish year old body. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of looking bad. I was afraid of everyone around me…so much so that I wouldn’t walk in a restaurant first for fear of people looking at me. I wouldn’t dance for fear that people would make fun of my appalling white-girl rhythm. I wore black, grey, and neutral colored clothes. Never wore heals as I’m already tall. And constantly down-played my achievements. When someone complimented me, I’d say ‘thank you,’ but inside I’d cringe.
At work – a person that did all the right things
When it came to work, I did what I had to do to be ‘successful’. I followed the business books – I became tenacious, had my 5-year plans and improved my communication, management and people skills at every opportunity. I lived from my head – doing what I needed to do to climb the ladder of success.
My title should have really been – Kim Brown, Actress
If I was an actress I’d receive an Oscar for my performances. One minute I’d be speaking with a journalist telling her what she needed to hear to ensure my story was published. The next minute I’d be empathizing with an employee telling them what they wanted to hear so to ensure I’d get them focused back on the task at hand – productivity! And then another few minutes later, I’d be selling my service to a client telling them exactly what they wanted to hear so they’d buy my product.
Telling people what they wanted to hear
From a young age I learned how to connect with people and tell them exactly what they wanted to hear. And I did this in quite a genuine way. I always put anyone I was speaking to first and became consumed with them…the result was that I empathized in a way that made a strong connection. There was no me in the interaction – I just became a rebound wall or mirror to help whoever I was talking to get what they wanted.
Growing up I could never figure out why everyone would spill their secrets to me. Within minutes of meeting a stranger they’d tell me all sorts of things. I mistakenly thought I must be good with people and thought a career as a psychologist was on the cards. Once I started my degree in psychology I realized I was more messed up than anyone else…I quickly changed to business. Hehehe.
But who was/is the real Kim? The Transformation began…
That aside, I finally realized at the age of 35 that I was an actress in my own life and I never met the real ‘Kim.’ In fact, at that point, there was no real Kim. I was someone else depending on who I was with. If you asked me what I felt about abortion and I was sitting with a pro-abortion friend, I’d be pro-abortion. If I was with someone against abortion, I’d easily come in line with that argument.
Sure – I did have my own opinions and for certain issues I’d enjoy a good argument but overall, I had no core. I didn’t know what my purpose was. I didn’t know what I really enjoyed doing. I didn’t know how I felt – in fact, I didn’t know how to feel my body. I ignored my body and the various signals it was giving me.
Breaking the habit of being Kim 1…Kim 55
So what about these leaps of growth I mentioned earlier? Well… the largest leap I took was to realize that I had a habit of becoming Kim 1, or Kim 2 or Kim 55 depending on who I was with. I then became courteous as to which Kim was the real one? Which Kim was the core?
I wondered…What do I really believe about life and how life really works? What do I believe about the world, my relationships, my future? What do I believe about who I am and what I’m here to do?
Asking these questions led me on quite a journey. Day after day, week after week I’d answer questions about myself to find out what I really thought. It’s really weird – almost like I was getting to know a friend…but that friend was me!
Some of the questions I asked myself that helped with the transformation included:
- What do I desire most in life?
- What are my 5 top values?
- Why is it important to live those values?
- When do I lie to myself that I’m living a value but I’m really not?
- What is a value that I could choose to have that would change my life for the better?
- What are my greatest talents, skills, and abilities?
- If I won $50 million what would I do?
- If I could create the perfect life for myself, what would it look like?
- What part of my life would I have to change for me to feel more alive?
- What would make me wake up in the morning excited to live the day?
- What do I need to think about differently to have the life I really want?
- What beliefs do I need to have to get the life I want to live?
There are quite a few books out there that get you to question yourself – Self-help and spiritual books. I fear that most people read the questions and fail to answer them.
My message on transformation is this
We’re taught all our lives about being kind to others, being respectful to others, doing the right thing for others, helping others, making new friends and so forth yet no one ever teaches us about the most important relationship you’ll ever have – the one you have with yourself.
No one teaches us to be kind to our-self, to respect our-self, to do the right thing for our-self, to help our-self and to ultimately be friends with our-self.
Over the past few years, meeting Kim has been the most amazing thing I’ve ever done. I was a stranger in my own body but I’m not anymore. I use to hate the reflection I saw in the mirror…but now I only see love and admiration. I now dance even though people are looking. I feel awkward when wearing black/grey – I’m in pink and yellows now! And I certainly don’t downplay my achievements anymore. I’m proud to be Kim. Yippie.
I suppose I’ll leave this post here. If you’re having issues in life…or life isn’t going well for you, PLEASE realize that it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to struggle. Life is absolutely amazing when you understand how it really works.
Kim Brown helps people to find their life’s purpose and exponentially increase their fulfillment. To get started read Kim’s book, ‘How Life Really Works: The Answer to Finding your Purpose & Personal Fulfillment’