What Do I Really Want? Can you answer that question?
Conceptually many of us realize that we get what we focus on. We realize that thought/beliefs come first and then those thoughts/beliefs manifest into some sort of physical reality. So when it comes to the question of ‘how do I know what I really want’ we can look at our life results and determine what’s working and what’s not working.
What do I really want? That questions is often so difficult. It’s easy to discuss what we don’t want – we don’t want financial lack, needy friends, a control-freak boss, unruly kids or a lazy partner! We don’t want loss, lack or pain.
So once, again, what do I really want? When I ask myself this question, I spiral all over the place – I want to be a billionaire, have my new house purchase go through without a hitch, get someone to clean my house, have time to enjoy my family, good food, a consistent feeling of peacefulness and on and on.
One of our problems with knowing what we really want comes down to focusing issues
Our lives are so full of bombarding messages and we’re constantly having to focus on several things at once.
Consider turning your computer or tablet on. There you are getting ready to work (perhaps do some writing) and up pops your last 15 emails, an update from your project management software, a few messages letting you know that you’ve been mentioned on Twitter and of course a note telling you that you have far more friends on LinkedIn and Face Book that you thought you had. You then go back to writing and you simultaneously get a text from a co-worker and a phone call from a friend.
The same goes for family life. While cooking dinner the other night, I was slicing vegetables as my daughter asked for an Apple, my husband wanted to discuss exciting news, my phone alerted me to a party invite and my father-in-law popped over to say a dear friend had died. What the heck? Talk about bombardment – it’s nuts.
I remember my mother cooking in the kitchen – we weren’t allowed to bother her – she had her little world of meat and veg and was able to focus on just that.
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m actually not complaining. I love technology and I love the world we live in. And on a daily basis I actually take time away from all the stimulus and have ‘me time,’ and that helps me balance myself.
My point in all this is, however, how the heck can any of us figure out what we really want when our minds and bodies have been conditioned to flit from thing to thing to thing?
Four steps to answering: what do I really want?
1. You need to realize that there’s nothing more important that figuring out what you want. If you don’t consider what you really want, you’ll be carried along with the herd and get what everyone else is getting (or not getting)
2. You need to believe that you’re worth it to take time away from modern day multi-focused life for a period of time – 15 minutes to an hour is all you need. Most people don’t believe they should sacrifice time away from work, family, friends to spend time thinking about what they want. How about you? How much time do you spend on making sure you’re life is becoming more and more fulfilling? If you answered that you don’t spend time on yourself, chances are you don’t care about yourself enough to do so. Now, here’s another question – why don’t you care about yourself and your future? If you don’t care about yourself what are you telling the people around you about yourself?
3. Once you’ve realized that if you don’t think about what you really want, you’ll just be pushed a long a river of mediocrity (at best), you can find ways to scheduled in short sessions to simply focus on you. So – schedule a session with yourself. Better yet, spend some time each morning before your day starts to simply focus on what you want. I do this every day at the coffee shop – it’s a routine for me to walk to my local coffee shop, read, write and ask myself what do I really want.
4. Pick one thing each day to focus on rather than becoming overwhelmed with all the ‘bad’ stuff in your life or the desire for all the ‘good’ stuff. And once you make that selection create a film story that outlines the reality you want to see play out. For example, right now I have a long list of things I really want. So rather than spiral out of control and list them all I’m going to listen out for the loudest desire. (Hold on…I’m listening).
Okay – got it. My largest worry is my house sale falling through. And my largest desire is my house sale going through. Now how can I focus my mind/body on my desire rather than my worry? How can I ensure I’m focusing on what I really want rather than what I really don’t want? Give this excercise a go:
Creating the film of my desire Exercise
Title: Kim and Family are Happily Settled in Richmond House
Characters: Hubby, daughter, father-in-law, friends, neighbors, city planners, sellers of Richmond house, buyers of our house.
The Story: After deciding we’d like to move to the South Coast to enjoy sailing more – in addition to setting up a sailing teacher/training company, hubby and I put our house up for sale. To our amazement, the house sold within 10 days and we achieved asking price. Yippie. We quickly went to the South Coast to locate a new home for our family. During our first visit we didn’t like anything we saw and decided we were too far away from the boat. On our second visit we found a house with a 5 minute walk to a marina. OMG. OMG. This house was perfect. Absolutely perfect location, beautiful area and it ticked the boxes – gravel drive, en-suite to the master bedroom, annex for granddad, open-plan kitchen/sun room. Yes, yes, yes.
Getting finance was a bit of challenge but we got it – just as I thought we would. This whole process has been smooth sailing. Wow…that never happens. Then the bomb dropped. The new owners of our house needed to get a change of status on our house before they would commit to buying. They wanted to make our house a foster home for children. From our point of view, that was fine. However, the neighbors had a different reaction.
Flyer drops, community meetings, letters of complaint all sent to the planning committees. Arg! What to do, what to do? Will the new buyers get permission? Will the neighbors ruin our chance to sell? Will the owners of the house we want find new buyers? All these unknowns. For a period my family and I worried and felt ostracized by the community around us. But then we realized a couple things. All the neighbors were focusing on delinquent foster kids moving into the neighborhood. That’s good – what they focus on they’ll get. So – what are we focusing on? Well – we’re all saying the mantra, ‘We’ve got the house, we’ve got the house, we’ve got Richmond House.’
<note that the following hasn’t happened yet>
On the 19th of July the city agreed to the change of status on our current house. The buyers immediately instructed the solicitor to instigate the exchange and completion dates. We in turn, set things up with the sellers of Richmond House. Everything is set. We’ve instructed the moving company, found a place for Sienna (daughter) to go on moving day and we all enjoyed preparing for the big move.
Exchange, completion, and moving day went as smooth as can be. Simon, Granddad, Sienna and I are now in our beautiful new home. We couldn’t be happier. Our furniture looks great. The home feels cozy, open and spacious. We all are super excited to be here and know that we’ve got lot’s of exploring to do! We just realised there’s a beautiful woodlands park right up the road from us. I’m so peaceful, relaxed and proud that we’ve achieved our moving goals. We’re so happy here and know that this is an exciting new beginning. Woooooo Hoooooo! Yippie. I’m so grateful for my life. Thank you!
Kim Brown helps people to find their life’s purpose and exponentially increase their fulfillment. To get started read Kim’s book, ‘How Life Really Works: The Answer to Finding your Purpose & Personal Fulfillment’